Skip to main content

Cats is a terrible movie in more ways than I can likely remember

Against my better judgment, or perhaps more accurately, succumbing to my self-hate tendencies, I saw Cats last night in a theater. It was a discount theater, I paid $4 for my ticket, and they served beer, but no hard alcohol. I couldn't get drunk fast enough, and I kind of want my $4 back.

I'll preface this by saying that I've never seen the stageplay, so I'll try and avoid criticizing what I think is the core conceipt, save this: Most musicals have a more traditionally told story, that threads song and dance scenes together. Cats has song and dance numbers, one right after another, for nearly two hours. If you there is ever more than two minutes of the movie between songs, I would be surprised. I don't think the original stage production would be for me either.

Okay, so what's left of the movie to talk about? It feels like it's an entirely too faithful adaptation of the play. There are ways to frame a scene that make sense on a stage, but they don't feel right on a film, this movie is FULL of scenes like this. I can't really stress that enough, it feels like a really old movie, that used the "best" computer graphics technology of our day.

Which segues nicely into the real horror of the movie, the graphics. As I watched it, I kept thinking how much less disturbing it would have been if it had just been a bunch of actors in leotards in face paint. The faces often didn't really match up in weird ways, like the lips were the only parts of the original actor's faces that were real footage, it often gives it a weird vibe of OLD cartoons, where they'd overlay someone's mouth over a static image.

And the hands! I'd seen the pictures of Judy Dench with people saying that they'd clearly forgotten to CG her hands... except that almost everyone in the movie has normal, flesh toned, hairless hands. Once you see that, you can never go back. A few of them had their hands colored to match their fur, but many clearly didn't. Sometimes they had exaggerated nails made to look like claws, but there are also a number of people that have normally manicured nails.

There is a lot of really impressive choreography in the movie, except, it's all CG. I'm sure it's 100% motion capture, but it takes a lot of the wonder out of it when you're just watching a cartoon overlaid over someone. The final thing I have to say about it is that it's weird to see a bunch of essentially naked people imitating how cats movie, I'm sure this is very true to the play, but it's really unnerving when combined with these computer generated fur suits. Everyone just looked uncomfortable, or like they thought they were in another movie. Really, I don't think anyone thought they were going to be in the movie they ended up in, except for Idris Elba and Taylor Swift, both of whom seem to know exactly what they were there to do, and nailed it. Whatever this "it" is.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Worst Contact Allergic Reaction I've Ever Had

I'm started to feel like a bit of a freak show. I've of course been injured by shrapnel from a pipe bomb, and I've got impressive scars to prove it (side note: One of my friends said that I need to come up with a really awesome story to go along with my scar, and I sad "Someone throwing a pipe bomb at me isn't awesome enough?")

I've mentioned that I took a first aid/CPR class in my first quarter of college, taught by Ron Hussman at Edmonds Community College. He was a great instructor, with a lot of great stories being a navy medic for 24 years, I think that's what he said. I'm proud to say that the pictures of my leg injury are now part of his curriculum, but I got tired of raising my hand every time he asked if someone had done something in particular.

Called 911? Check
Used an epipen? Check
Been in shock? Check
Ridden in an ambulance? Check
Had burns in your throat? Check (seriously, don't let your kids hold roman candles while they fire)
Latex all…

Wherein I spoil some of Person of Interest, in the hopes that you might watch it

What if I told you that a major television network produced a television show which followed the humans pawns in a war of two surveillance based, near omniscient artificial intelligences? If you're a hard corps scifi nut, that sentence probably has your drooling. The only problem is, that if that's the only part of PoI that tickles your fancy, it takes awhile to get there, and there aren't a lot of episodes that you can easily skip.

I could probably tell you to just start watching at the beginning of season 4, and you might get it, but I think you'd need a Bryce to watch it with you and explain certain backstories. I recently started re-watching it with the intention of identifying exactly when it shifts, and maybe coming up with a list of must watch, primer episodes, but I failed. You see, Person of Interest shifts so gradually from being a crime a week procedural to dealing with the fallout of the AI singularity, that even knowing it was coming, I didn't really n…

GX- 59 Daltanious: Robbed Of Being Voltron

One of the things that I love about doing reviews for these old super robots is reading up on their back story and finding all kinds of interesting facts. So, quick! What's the first thing that you think of when I say "Voltron"? Pretty much, if you even know what Voltron is, you're going to think of this first:



Five robot lions that combine to make a giant humanoid robot. If you were a male child raised in the '80s, then you know who Voltron is. A smaller subset will remember that there were two Voltrons, the lion Voltron, and then a Voltron made out of 15 vehicles, often just called Vehicle Voltron:

An even smaller subset will remember that there were actually three Voltrons, the third being made of three smaller humanoid robots, and called Gladiator Voltron:



What's the deal with all of the Voltrons? Voltron was a similar project to Hasbro's Transformers, and Tonka's Gobots, where a company took existing toy properties from Japan, and used them to la…