Skip to main content

Terra Nova: Why The Hell Am I Watching This?


Hey! It's Fall again! That means it's time for new shows!

Terra Nova is Steven Spielberg's baby, pretty much the only thing I knew about it going in was that it had something to do with dinosaurs, and that I'd read a handful of articles about how many problems there were filming and producing the first couple of episodes.

Our story kicks off in the year 2149 where the planet Earth is a smog ridden, overpopulated hell-hole. Everyone breathes through masks when they're out in the open, if they're smart, and there are population control measures in place, everyone's limited to two children, with propaganda all over the place "A Family Means 4".

Our hero, a Hugh Jackman knockoff, is a police detective that for some unknown reason decided to have a third child. During a surprise inspection, they hide kidlet #3 in the air duct, but when the breeder police knock something heavy over, she squeals. At this point, Superdad goes apeshit, and starts kicking the crap out of his fellow cops.

Flash forward to two years later, Superdad's serving 8 years in solitary confinement, breathing unfiltered air, and his wife visits to tell him that they've been recruited for the Terra Nova project. Terra Nova is a colony that's been made on the other side of a crack in time, that lets out onto an alternate timeline Earth 85 million years in the past. I assume, that part of the goal is to start a new civilization on an unsullied Earth, while trying not to screw it up like they did with the current one.

Okay, so the wifey (she's a medial doctor, which is why she gets to take her family to a planet with a future) smuggles Superdad some kind of laser scalpel, so that he can break out of prison, and then into the Terra Nova staging facility. Just to let us know that it's not that easy, security manages to find their ass with both hands and a flashlight, and confront him right in front of the rift, he manages to shake them loose, however, and makes it to a new world, where he can reestablish the tradition of not following any of the goddamn rules, and overpopulating the planet.

Okay, I'm not going to belabor the point, Superdad really wants to be a cop in the new settlement, but sinister colony dictator (playing pretty much the same role he did in the movie Avatar) puts him on gardening, which he blows off to stalk a suspicious character.

So, he never follows the rules, doesn't learn from his mistakes, but apparently not following the rules makes you a really good cop, so they put him on security. Basically, no one in this show manages to evoke any kind of empathy from me, because they're either idiots, assholes, or completely bland.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lemme Tell You About The Transformer, Astrotrain, And Why He's My Favorite

       I am, quite obviously, a massive fan of Transformers, but I grew up in kind of a weird time for being a fan. Really, I'm just a LITTLE too young. I remember seeing my brother, who was six years older than I, get all of the coolest Transformers, and then by the time that I started being able to ask for Transformers for myself, the nature of Transformers had greatly changed. I have a great anecdotal story about him clipping Soundwave (arguably one of the coolest Transformers toys ever, which turned into a microcassette player) to his shorts and climbing a tree. He then proceeded to fall 30 feet out of that tree, and land on Soundwave, which poked him right in the kidney, and he peed blood for a week.        While I still have a great deal of fondness for them, Powermaster Optimus Prime is just not as cool of a toy as the original Optimus Prime. Notably, if you landed on Powermaster Optimus Prime, he probably wouldn't puncture your kidney, but...
Post a Comment
Read more

Y: The Last Man: Even Spambots Cry After Reading It

Right off the bat, I'm going to say that Y is the saddest story I have ever taken in, with an emotional punch like a locomotive (or a bomb if you will). No work of fiction has ever destroyed me emotionally like this has. That being said, the story may be a tragedy, but gettin there was a lot of fun. The story starts off with every male mammal on the face of the Earth being almost simultaneously wiped out by some kind of illness. With the exception of English major/escape artist Yorick Brown, and Ampersand, a capuchin monkey that he's volunteered to train to help people with disabilities. There's no apparent reason as to why they survived, they just did. At the time the plague hit, Yorick's girlfriend, whom he was about to propose to, was on a trip in Australia, while he was in Chicago. Naturally he sets out to find his true love. Along the way he picks up the companions 355, an agent of a secret government organization called the Culper Ring, and Dr. Allison Man...
2 comments
Read more

Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day

This appears to be a time for disappointing sequels, although for awhile there, we got a lot of top tier extremely competent sequels. I guess no trend can be permanent. The first Boondock Saints was one of those rare creations that had just about the optimal amount of everything, it was balanced between being believable, ridiculous, funny, and brutal. Balanced is the last word I would use to describe the sequel. The dialogue is terrible, just about everyone in the movie talks like a middle school bully. There are honest to goodness slapstick comedy moments, such as a mafia liutenant getting smacked in the face with a salami, and then a follow up seen where he's forced to wear headgear and can't speak properly. The tone of the entire movie is just so very different from the original, that it feels like it was made with a different director/writer, with a different vision for what the movie should be. All the more sad, since it's the same writer/director, Troy Duffy,...
2 comments
Read more