Skip to main content

Terra Nova: Why The Hell Am I Watching This?


Hey! It's Fall again! That means it's time for new shows!

Terra Nova is Steven Spielberg's baby, pretty much the only thing I knew about it going in was that it had something to do with dinosaurs, and that I'd read a handful of articles about how many problems there were filming and producing the first couple of episodes.

Our story kicks off in the year 2149 where the planet Earth is a smog ridden, overpopulated hell-hole. Everyone breathes through masks when they're out in the open, if they're smart, and there are population control measures in place, everyone's limited to two children, with propaganda all over the place "A Family Means 4".

Our hero, a Hugh Jackman knockoff, is a police detective that for some unknown reason decided to have a third child. During a surprise inspection, they hide kidlet #3 in the air duct, but when the breeder police knock something heavy over, she squeals. At this point, Superdad goes apeshit, and starts kicking the crap out of his fellow cops.

Flash forward to two years later, Superdad's serving 8 years in solitary confinement, breathing unfiltered air, and his wife visits to tell him that they've been recruited for the Terra Nova project. Terra Nova is a colony that's been made on the other side of a crack in time, that lets out onto an alternate timeline Earth 85 million years in the past. I assume, that part of the goal is to start a new civilization on an unsullied Earth, while trying not to screw it up like they did with the current one.

Okay, so the wifey (she's a medial doctor, which is why she gets to take her family to a planet with a future) smuggles Superdad some kind of laser scalpel, so that he can break out of prison, and then into the Terra Nova staging facility. Just to let us know that it's not that easy, security manages to find their ass with both hands and a flashlight, and confront him right in front of the rift, he manages to shake them loose, however, and makes it to a new world, where he can reestablish the tradition of not following any of the goddamn rules, and overpopulating the planet.

Okay, I'm not going to belabor the point, Superdad really wants to be a cop in the new settlement, but sinister colony dictator (playing pretty much the same role he did in the movie Avatar) puts him on gardening, which he blows off to stalk a suspicious character.

So, he never follows the rules, doesn't learn from his mistakes, but apparently not following the rules makes you a really good cop, so they put him on security. Basically, no one in this show manages to evoke any kind of empathy from me, because they're either idiots, assholes, or completely bland.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Lemme Tell You About The Transformer, Astrotrain, And Why He's My Favorite

       I am, quite obviously, a massive fan of Transformers, but I grew up in kind of a weird time for being a fan. Really, I'm just a LITTLE too young. I remember seeing my brother, who was six years older than I, get all of the coolest Transformers, and then by the time that I started being able to ask for Transformers for myself, the nature of Transformers had greatly changed. I have a great anecdotal story about him clipping Soundwave (arguably one of the coolest Transformers toys ever, which turned into a microcassette player) to his shorts and climbing a tree. He then proceeded to fall 30 feet out of that tree, and land on Soundwave, which poked him right in the kidney, and he peed blood for a week.        While I still have a great deal of fondness for them, Powermaster Optimus Prime is just not as cool of a toy as the original Optimus Prime. Notably, if you landed on Powermaster Optimus Prime, he probably wouldn't puncture your kidney, but the original Optimus Prime mig

What It's Like To Get Pipebombed

Well, I'm going to break with my rule of not actually mentioning anything about having a pipe thrown at you, but in celebration of the 6 month anniversary, I really wanted to write it up. So, without further ado, here's what happened on my Fourth of July 2009, and the six months since: So, it's the Fourth of July, 2009, about ten-ish or so at night. Being that we live in a condo, and our homeowner's association has prohibited fireworks being let off in our complex, we decided to take a walk around the neighborhood in order to better see the fireworks everyone else was letting off. We walked straight out the front gate, got about maybe 50 feet down the street, and a dark car with it's headlights on pulled out onto the street, about a block ahead of us a man with a white shirt was walking in the same direction as us, nothing noteworthy about either of those. However, upon passing us, something was tossed out of the passenger window and bounced off my chest, upon th

Naked Heat: Reviewing this book makes my brain hurt

I finished the latest book by Richard Castle a few days ago, and I've been thinking about how I want to write this review ever since. You see, Richard Castle is a rock star amongst murder mystery novelists, he struck it big with his series of Derek Storm novels, but shocked the world by killing the character at the end of the last book in the series. After that, he found inspiration in NYPD detective Kate Beckett, and based his new character, Nikki Heat, off of her. Naked Heat is the second book in the Nikki Heat series. What's so weird about that? I'm sure all three of my regular readers already know, but none of these people are real, Rick Castle and Det. Beckett are both characters on ABC's crime/drama/comedy series Castle. Haven't watched Castle? For shame, I highly recommend it, it's a perfect guilty pleasure movie, a series of one and done murder mysteries, that are fairly light hearted, with a great comedy dynamic between the characters of Castle,